Our NICU Story + Making "Little Comforts"

I went in for a routine weekly exam on Thursday, Jan 26. I had always had this unexplainable inkling that G was going to come early, but at 37 weeks, I thought I still had time. At my checkup, however, the Doctor was concerned about my blood pressure. I remember them checking it 3 or 4 times, and one of the times it was something ridiculous like 160/100. So, my doctor sent me over to the Labor and Delivery ward at the hospital so they could monitor me and test for preeclampsia. They found that I did in fact have preeclampsia and I was in the early stages of labor already. They admitted me and broke my
water to speed things along. I was terrified, and felt totally unprepared. But, Dal and I were crazy excited to meet our little squish.

(this pic was taken straight on... do you see where that baby is sitting? Holy cow!)

12 hours later, our little guy made his debut. I remember instantly bursting into tears when I saw his sweet face, and his wide-open eyes. It only took about 10 seconds for me to realize that something was wrong. He wasn't crying or making any noise. He was completely purple, and completely limp. 15 seconds was all I had with that sweet boy before he was swept across the room, and a few minutes later, into the NICU unit. Though he was technically "full-term," his lungs weren't quite fully developed and he wasn't able to breathe on his own.

(I cherish these pictures, always will. But they are still hard to look at, even now. )

The next 5 1/2 days were a roller coaster of emotions... fear, joy, love, heartache, doubt, worry, longing, and a whole lot of feeling out of control.

Even with a baby in the NICU, Life keeps moving. You have to do things like eat and sleep. And that means that eventually, at some points, you have to walk out of the door and leave your perfect baby laying in that box, by himself. You'll return of course, but every time you have to leave, your heart breaks a little more.

I always left with an immense amount of guilt... and worry about how he'd feel, how he'd be while I was gone. As soon as I became a mom, I felt this ginormous weight... this feeling that my baby needed me.

(Pic of the first time I got to hold my baby, about 13 hours after his birth)

Well. The fact is... I couldn't be there 24/7 for my baby. It killed me, but I couldn't. There were times we had to leave... to eat, to sleep. We took shifts as best we could. But there were times when Grayson was there without us.

And we were only there a small fraction of the time that many other families have to be.

We heard about some of the babies around Grayson... who had been there for months, and had months to go. I couldn't help but notice the quiet... the absence of family and visitors for many of those babies. It broke my heart. But, as the nurses explained, some of those parents lived far away. Many of those parents had to return to work. Many of them had other children to look after.

It's a strange thing, giving birth to your baby, becoming a parent. But then instantly losing control of your child. Not being able to take them home, sometimes not even being able to hold them. You feel robbed of that precious time. Robbed of being able to love on them as much as you want to.

I said a lot of prayers during those 5 1/2 days. And I really, truly felt little answers in simple things like a beanie, a blanket, and a bean bag hand. Each of these things gave me back a bit of my ability to be G's mama. They allowed me to give him comfort, warmth, love. They may seem simple and ordinary to others -- but to a mom who couldn't hold her baby, couldn't dress her baby, couldn't feed her baby, couldn't take him home... they were everything.

And so, I've decided that now it's my turn to make those things and donate them to the NICU, and maybe they'll be little comforts to the next mom + dad loving their baby through the NICU.

I figured I'd share these ideas with you all, in hopes that maybe some of you have an hour or so to spare + a little tinge of compassion, and maybe you'll want to help, wherever you are, too. :)

I'm a strong, strong believer that God answers prayers through the hands of those willing to help. I believe we are all capable of lifting burdens and delivering comfort to others. And I believe that when we get the inspiration, when we feel that nudge and hear a little voice prompting us to do something (whatever that is!) to help someone else, we have a responsibility to step up and act.

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**The below items may or may not be accepted at your local NICU. A quick phonecall to your NICU reception should answer that question. :) In my experience calling a few different local hospitals... they have all been anxious + appreciative to receive all the help and donations they can. :) **

Bean Bag Hand

One thing we were given with Grayson was a bean bag hand. Basically, it's shaped like a mitten + arm and filled with rice/beans. And it's used, especially when we had to leave the hospital, to lay next to/on baby and mimic a hand. It's a comfort thing. Makes baby feel like someone is there with them.
Babies want to be held, be touched. They don't want to lay bare and alone in a plastic box. Buuuut, such is their situation in the hospital. So something simple like this bean bag hand made me feel a little better when I had to leave... having something there to still "touch" and "hold" my baby and give him that sense of comfort.

These are super simple! Steps below.

Step 1.

Cut out your two hand shapes. Use basic measurements pictured above (this doesn't have to be super precise at all!) I used flannel material for these. Fleece or another super soft cotton would work, too. :) 

Step 2.

Put your two pieces right sides together. Pin around the outside. Sew. Leave a 3 inch opening at the base of the hand. 

Step 3. 

Turn your hand right side out. Fill hand with rice or beans, about 3/4 of the way full. Sew your opening closed. And you're done!

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Swaddle Blanket

Blankets are always a necessity with babies! The NICU was able to provide swaddle blankets (that had been donated) for our little guy and this was also another little comfort. To be able to wrap up my baby, snuggle him whenever we could, and when we couldn't... just to know he was wrapped up, warm, and snug.

Swaddle blankets for the NICU are typically made out of flannel material. General size: 16" x"20" for preemie blankets, and approximately 30"x"30" for full term. (a little variation from these measurements is okay :) )

Swaddle blankets are crazy easy to make. Simply cut out 2 layers of flannel material in desired size. Match right sides together. Sew around 4 sides, with 1/4" seam allowance, leaving a 6" opening on one side. Clip corners, being careful not to snip seams. Turn blanket right-side-out and iron seams. Close opening. Topstitch around edges, with 1/2" seam allowance. Then, I usually sew a large square in the center of the blanket to keep the two layers together. And, you're done!

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Baby Beanies 

Baby beanies! These are incredibly simple, but so important to keep those teensy heads warm! I remember holding Grayson and just feeling helpless! I didn't know what I could do for him. I did ask for a hat though, and just something as simple as that made me feel like I was doing something to take care of him and tend to his needs.

I've included three different patterns... a basic beanie, knotted beanie, and round beanie. Tutorials below. (Also, I've included basic measurements for both Newborn and Premie size on the pattern pictures... N = newborn, P = Premie) For all of these, be sure to use a super stretchy, soft fabric.

Basic Beanie

Step 1.

Cut out your pattern pieces. You will need beanie front and back, and bottom panel. Basic measurements are in picture. Note the fold on the bottom panel piece. 

Step 2. 

Lay beanie front and back right sides together. Pin. Sew up and around (do not sew across bottom!)

Step 3. 

Fold bottom panel piece in half lengthwise, right sides together, matching raw edges. Sew.

Step 4. 

Turn hat right side out.Take bottom panel (now in a tube) and match bottom raw edges with hat bottom raw edges, all the way around. Pin in place and sew.

Fold down bottom panel and iron. Done!

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Knotted Beanie

Step 1. 

Cut out your pattern pieces. You will need a beanie front and back, and a bottom panel. Follow the general measurements shown on the picture above. 

Step 2. 

Lay beanie front and back right sides together. Pin. Sew up and around (do not sew across bottom!)

Step 3. 

Fold bottom panel piece in half lengthwise, right sides together, matching raw edges. Sew.

Step 4. 

Turn hat right side out. Take bottom panel (now in a tube) and match bottom raw edges with hat bottom raw edges, all the way around. Pin in place and sew.

  

Step 5.

Fold down bottom panel and iron. Tie knot at top of hat.

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Rounded Beanie

Step 1.

Cut out your pattern pieces. You will need beanie front and back, and bottom panel. Basic measurements are in picture. Note the fold on the bottom panel piece. 

Step 2. 

Fold both beanie front and beanie back in half, matching cutouts together. Sew along diagonal edge as pictured above. 

Unfolded, your piece should look like the picture above.

Step 3.

Lay beanie front and back right sides together. Pin. Sew up and around (do not sew across bottom!)

Step 4. 

Fold bottom panel piece in half lengthwise, right sides together, matching raw edges. Sew.

Step 5. 

Turn hat right side out.Take bottom panel (now in a tube) and match bottom raw edges with hat bottom raw edges, all the way around. Pin in place and sew.

Fold down bottom panel and iron. Done!

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And a few other ideas... :) 

• Socks
• Mittens
• fleece bedding
• NICU care packages (to give to the families, not the hospital)... some ideas for what to include: 
• gift cards (to nearby food places... not much time to cook when in NICU!)
• cell phone charger
• snacks
• journal
• headphones
• hand sanitizer
• small toiletries
• Call your NICU to ask about other needs! :)