Week 7:
Symptoms:
- Nausea (seems the worst when I first wake up...usually gets better when i eat something)
- Headaches (nothing too severe)
- Fatigue (I've been napping pretty much everyday. Which is nice, but also makes me feel super lazy)
- Sore breasts (the soreness has seemed to move over different areas... they better be growing after all of this ;)!)
This week I had my first & second Dr's appointments. The first was on Monday, the 27. I went in to have a preliminary pelvic exam, blood testing, and to help figure out my dates. When I was checking in, the nurse asked me what the last day of my last period was and I said, "um... December." Her eyes widened and she said, "Wow! You're pretty far along! You look amazing!" I laughed and explained that we didn't know my dates, but it definitely was not back in December.
The doctor first had me pee in a cup to test and make sure everything was normal. As I was waiting for the doctor to come back in the room, I had this irrational fear that the doctor would come in and inform me that "I'm so sorry. I don't know where you got the idea that you're pregnant, but you're not." How dumb is that? I kept questioning my own sanity and grasp of reality. Thankfully, of course, she came back and confirmed the pregnancy and said everything seemed normal. Same results with the other tests they did. She gave me various tips on what to do and what not to do... No deli meat... no seafood (no problem there)... absolutely no ibuprofen... contrary to some girl's fears, sex is totally fine...exercise is fine too. And we scheduled an early ultrasound to be able to measure the baby and see how far along I was. For Wednesday. Two days. Phew. I can do this.
Well, today is Wednesday, and today I went in for my first ever baby-ultrasound. I was so nervous. Again. Again with the irrational fear that she wouldn't be able to find a baby and tell me that I was not pregnant. (strange that my fear wasn't of miscarriage but of no pregnancy at all?)
I am amazed at ultrasound techs and how the heck they can navigate the black and white fuziness of my insides. Like seriously, how can you tell the difference between this dot and that dot? This circle and that slightly less round circle? She measured my uterus, bladder, ovaries, and some other parts I don't remember. I anxiously kept thinking....Okay, okay, now where is the baby?! And then, she smiled and paused and let out a sigh. "There it is," she said. "There's your little baby." I frantically asked for her to point, circle, and highlight the little baby blob on the screen. Wow. There really is a baby inside me. A tiny little bean. A teeny little 0.78 cm human.
I immediately got butterflies and felt this strange sense of pride and humility all at once. This was my child. A real, perfect little offspring of my sweetheart and mine. And at the same time, here's a child! A real, perfect little human waiting to be loved and cared for and taught and nurtured by 2 really, really imperfect, but really, really excited almost parents. Is this for real? I can't believe I've been entrusted with this tiny little bean, this sweet little human to love and to grow. This is the biggest, most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me, and it was a prayed-for, fasted-for, waited-for choice between my best friend and me.
And then, the ultrasound tech looked at me and said, "Are you ready for this part?" and she pushed a little button on her keyboard. And then I heard the sweetest, cutest noise... a quick, airy, but real, and strong little heartbeat. Our baby's little heartbeat.
I couldn't quite hold it together at that point and the tears swelled in my eyes. I think I kept saying over and over "This is amazing." And it truly is. At 7 weeks along (closer to 5 weeks after conception), my little baby has a beating heart and life running through it. I saw it, I heard it, and I can never deny that. The second I saw that little blob and heard that little beat, I knew it is my child that I will love and cherish forever. And though I don't completly know how it all works, I know there's a sweet little spirit in heaven or on earth, or maybe floating between both, waiting for it's little body to grow and depending on me to help it along. I can feel the mantel of motherhood already, and I feel so blessed.
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